The Breaking Point

On January 8, 2021, I sat down with Liz and blurted out, “What did you do to me?? I haven’t stopped crying since I left your office!”

She gently told me that tears are healing—that I was finally grieving for the little girl I had abandoned, betrayed, and neglected for so long. That little girl had been calling for my attention, especially when I was pregnant with my daughter, but I kept ignoring her.

The Root Belief

Lying on Liz’s table, she uncovered something buried deep within me:

“I am unlovable.”

That belief had lived in my body since I was two years old—when my mother left and my father dropped me off with relatives (more on that here). It was a truth I never spoke out loud, a splinter stuck in my soul. The moment it was plucked out, my body sighed in relief.

But Liz didn’t stop there. She found deeper wounds too—betrayal, despair, and isolation. Tears streamed down as I was finally being seen. More importantly, I was finally seeing myself.

Betrayal, Despair, and Isolation

• Betrayal: The ways I abandoned myself over and over, fueling resentment and mistrust.
• Despair: Rejection, abandonment, shame, loneliness, never feeling like I belonged—not even in my own body.
• Isolation: My lifelong companion. Alone was where I felt most comfortable, even if it meant living by others’ rules instead of my own.

This is the essence of the dark night of the soul—scrubbing away layers of shame and false beliefs until what’s left is love, beauty, and brilliance. The core of who we are. And to get to the core of who we are, we first we have to understand why these layers are there in the first place.

Meeting My Inner Child

Through a guided meditation, Liz brought forth little Beth—two years old, wearing red pants and a white T-shirt, clutching her My Little Pony (BTW, I still have this My Little Pony with 1982 stamped on her foot!).

I knelt before her, pulled her into my lap, and we both cried. I told her what she had always needed to hear:

• It wasn’t your fault.
• You are lovable.
• I love you.

For the first time, I gave her what she needed most: unconditional love.

Creating a Sanctuary

Liz reminded me that my inner child needed recognition, protection, and play. So I built her a sanctuary—a treehouse with a pool, stuffed animals, my beloved dog Maudy, and endless ways to play.

I even invited her into my Sunday Scrub Day Ritual. Soon, I found myself coloring, painting, dancing, reading, and being silly with my kids—something I had never felt comfortable doing before.

It was like breaking out of a concrete box I had lived in my entire life. For the first time, I allowed myself to step into childlike wonder and play.

A Turning Point in Healing

This moment with Liz was a turning point. By embracing my inner child, I started embracing myself. My children started noticing a change and sometimes they would be staring at me with open mouths in shock.

In the next chapter of my journey, I’ll share the deep questions I asked during inner child healing and how the months that followed in 2021 changed everything.

To understand more about how trauma resides in the body, I recommend reading “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel van ver Kolk. You can find it here. I will write more about how trauma is stored in the body and all the ways you can help release it and be free of it in the coming posts. Stay tuned!

Much Love,

Beth