A Turning Point

In November of 2020, I escaped to McCall, Idaho—a quaint mountain town surrounded by pine trees and silence. I had just experienced a painful breakup with my first relationship since my divorce, and the pain in my chest felt unbearable. I needed solitude. I needed answers.

As I reflected on that relationship, I realized the painful truth: I had betrayed myself in so many ways. Out of fear of losing someone, I silenced my own needs. I ignored red flags that I knew, deep down, were signals to walk away.

That realization hurt the most.

A Message from the Cards

I pulled out my oracle cards in my hotel suite and asked “What do I need to know right now?”. The message that came through was crystal clear:

“You are overdue for a transformation. Change agents are on the way. Seek healing now through energy work, mediumship, nature, and somatic therapy.”

When I returned home from McCall, I booked my very first mediumship session on December 14th, 2020.

The medium told me that my inner child needed a hug. She said I needed to look in the mirror and remind myself: You are loved. You are amazing. Most importantly, she encouraged me to find gratitude for my trauma. Because within that pain, she said, was the path back to myself. And through that pain, I would help people by telling my story. Keep journaling.

The Session That Changed My Life

Just three days later, I saw an amazing Reiki energy healer Liz Magnolia of Ankhara Healing Arts (Thank you, Liz—you changed my life).

As I was laying on her table, she asked me if I had just ended a relationship and I burst in tears. I hadn’t told her anything at that point.

She said “You were right. You are right. You are all right. You were always right. Trust yourself to be right. Trust yourself”. Those words would change the course of my life. She also told me that she saw me up on stage, empowering women. She saw me writing a book.

Now I sat stunned. I was told 3 days ago I was going to help people. And here was another complete stranger telling me the same thing. It was hard to believe that someone like me, would be able to help people. I felt wrecked and incapable of making sound decisions, let alone help people.

The Floodgates Opened

After that session, the tears poured out of me. At work, I would count the hours until I could sit in my car and cry on my lunch breaks. Some days I didn’t even make it that far—I hid in conference rooms until I could gather myself enough to keep going.

It felt like I was breaking apart. My body hurt in ways I couldn’t explain to anyone. But now I know it was also the beginning of putting myself back together.

A Winter Solstice Awakening

On the Winter Solstice, I wrote these words in my journal:

“I’m coming home to myself. I will no longer abandon myself for other people to be comfortable. I stopped loving myself when I left the marriage—even though the very act was done in love. I let go of this old version of me that doesn’t respect and love herself. How can someone love me completely if I can’t love myself? It’s time. Time to believe that you are worthy. Trust yourself. I am light. I am fire.”

That was the beginning.

The messy, nonlinear, imperfect beginning of my healing journey.

Healing Is Messy

Over the next few blog posts, I’m going to share the truth of my healing journey—how it actually unfolded. The struggles. The setbacks. The moments I fell back into old patterns. And the mindsets that helped me rise again.

Because healing is not a straight line. It’s messy. But in that mess, there’s transformation. There’s light. There’s wholeness.

A Call to You

If you are on your own healing journey, I want you to know this: you are not broken. You are not behind. And you don’t have to do it alone.

I’ll be sharing more of my story in the weeks ahead, and I hope it serves as a reminder that even in the darkest places, there is light.

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If I can do this, so can you.

Much love,

Beth