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Healing is messy. It’s nonlinear and full of moments where you feel like you’re back at square one—reverting to old habits, falling into familiar patterns, or questioning if progress is even possible. Through it all, three mindsets emerged as my guiding stars, helping me navigate the chaos and continue growing—even when the path felt impossible.
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The Breaking Point On January 8, 2021, I sat down with Liz and blurted out, “What did you do to me?? I haven’t stopped crying since I left your office!” She gently told me that tears are healing—that I was finally grieving for the little girl I had abandoned, betrayed, and neglected for so long.
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A Turning Point In November of 2020, I escaped to McCall, Idaho—a quaint mountain town surrounded by pine trees and silence. I had just experienced a painful breakup with my first relationship since my divorce, and the pain in my chest felt unbearable. I needed solitude. I needed answers. As I reflected on that relationship,
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The violence continued. While my aunt was in prison (more on that story here), I took care of the two cats she left behind. One of them wasn’t doing well, and eventually, it crossed the rainbow bridge. I was heartbroken, but then my father told me he was going to get me a new kitten.
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My grandfather noticed something was missing from the barn—his antique electric fencer. He asked if I would go down to the trailer and see if my dad had taken it. The short walk from my grandparents’ house to the trailer felt longer than it was. I dreaded every step. I never knew what kind of
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Reclaiming the Self After Maternal Abandonment Every year as my children grow, I’m reminded of the girl I once was. Having two children and a bonus daughter has given me the deepest mirror into my own soul. Through them, I’ve been forced to meet parts of myself I had long buried. Watching my daughter—now 11—move
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I was searching through my journals to find the exact date that I met my mother again in Washington. To my surprise, it was exactly 24 years ago today as I write this post—July 5th, 2001. Crazy timing and alignment. How apropos. July 5th, 2001 That morning, after showering, I found a silver dolphin necklace